DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
