Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
