some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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