So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My penis needs a shock collar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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