Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
