everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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