You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
