I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
