Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
