I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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