it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
