We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize