my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
