birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
