Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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