Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
