Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
