She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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