Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
