Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
