...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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