k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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