I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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