She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
