My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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