names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
