she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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