Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
