we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
