Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
