Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize