EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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