Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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