Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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