i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
