Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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