We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
