The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
