I'm going to rape someone's good day.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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