remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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