note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
