I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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