i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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