last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
