I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
