we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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