My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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