i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
