porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The air was thick with penises
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I deserve this hangover.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
