You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
