Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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