Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
