I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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