Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
