I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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