had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Congratulations! We have a period
The air taste purple.
Randomize
