Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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