She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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