I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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