ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
