Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
