exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
