He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
