i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
