She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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