i jhust puked up my retainher.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
