i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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