I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
