I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
