I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my nose is crying tears of wow.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
